Ron Washington Is Very Excited About The Rangers

SURPRISE, Ariz. – Ron Washington, the Texas Rangers manager, held a press conference to confess that he tested positive for cocaine during the 2009 season.  Team officials confirmed that Washington failed a drug test during the 2009 season.

“I guess this explains some stuff,” shortstop Michael Young said when asked to comment about his manager’s reported drug use.  “There was a flight we took from Seattle to Tampa where coach paced up and down the center aisle for like four hours, talking about how he was an underrated middle infielder in his time, and that me and Kins [Ian Kinsler] are really important for middle infielders, like really important, and that we’ll know what he’s talking about someday.”  Young shrugged.  “Probably also explains that one lineup card.”

The lineup card Young was referring to was one Washington filled out against the Blue Jays on July 23rd, 2009 which looked like this:

1. Ian Kinsler
2. Josh Hamilton
3. Ian Kinsler
4. Josh Hamilton
5. Ron Washington
6. Ian Kinsler
7. Josh Hamilton
8. Ian Kinsler
9. Josh Hamilton

At the time, Texas bench coach Jackie Moore said it had been a typo.

Rangers management said they appreciated Washington owning up to his behavior, and that it explained why he gave Chris Davis 122 at bats against left-handed pitching last season, a horrible decision made more understandable in light of hard core drug use.