It’s cock bashing time

So I’m posting, which means a few things. A) It will probably be thrown together quickly B) It certainly will be mindless and incoherent C) It will have a Phillies slant.  Lets go through this mongo mega trade and really depict it…and who I truly see as the biggest winners.

PHILLIES:

OUT: Cliff Lee (under contract for one year at 8 mil), Travis D’Arnaud, Michael Taylor, Kyle Drabek

IN: Roy Halladay (who immediately signs 3 year extension with vesting options for two more), Tyson Gillies, Phillipe Aumont, JC Ramirez, Six million bucks

BREAKDOWN:

I love Cliff Lee…really I do.  But he wasn’t resigning here.  Just wasn’t happening.  That dude wants CC-like money at CC like length (for you bastards playing at home…thats 20+ for 6 or more years).  It’s been rumored Amaro has had a boner the size of the Comcast Building for Halladay for quite some time…he finally found a way to get him.  Now, the Phillies do give up a boat in prospects (Taylor is a potential stud, Drabek as well….D’Arnaud has potential but is only single A), but the blow is softened by getting back very quality players as well (I investigated these boys…two pitchers with very plus stuff and an absolute SPEED demon who hit .341 in A+ ball last year).

People in Philly are shitting their pants over Roy Halladay.  We’ve heard he’s so good and blah blah blah…but lemme tell you something, this guy is the fucking titties.  You know how good Cole Hamels’ changeup can be? Like how it comes directly out of the same arm slot angle as his fastball that sits at 89 mph?  Well, imagine if Cole Hamels was 6’6″, 230 lbs, and instead of having one of those devastating pitches, he had 3.  Oh yeah, and have that fastball sit at 97mph instead of 88.  Oh yeah…he’s been pitching in the most offensive division in the most offensive era in baseball, and all the while shitting on everybody’s faces.  I can’t even describe how legit this guy is.  No bullshit, a sub 2.00 ERA is a serious possibility for him in the NL East.

This is a move that makes sense, but stings a bit for the Phils.  Gave up some real homegrown depth on the farm…but dudes like Halladay just DON’T become available.  Not only that…he really gave the Phillies a bit of a discount on his extension.  For an avg of 20 mil…thats a joke.  Comparable to other guys out there (CC, Santana) it truly is a deal.  To sweeten the pot, Phils also got six million bucks to offset Halladay’s salary this year.

In time I’ll break down further how the Phillies aren’t totally fucked for salary in the future as well.

SEATTLE:

IN: Cliff Lee, two draft picks in ’10, and in one year nothing but a dick in their hands

OUT: Phillipe Aumont, Tyson Gillies, JC Ramirez

People are blowing their loads over how fuckin rad of a deal this was for the Mariners.  Yeah…they got Cliff Lee.  Everybody in Philly knows how good he can be, and with The King at the top of the roto, they’re going to be a power to deal with in the AL West.  One problem:  THIS IS A MOVE A TEAM WITH A LEGIT SHOT TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES MAKES….AND THE MARINERS AIN’T THAT.

I’d bet dollars to donuts Cliff Lee is staring at a loaded revolver and a Mariners hat, deciding which fate is worse.  He’s going to a passionless fan base where he’ll post 17 wins, MAYBE a playoff appearance and then get paid.  THEY’RE GOING NOWHERE THIS YEAR PEOPLE.  At this time next year, the Mariners and their fan base are going to be looking around at no more Cliff Lee, the King posting another monster year and saying “Pay me”, and watching the Halo’s reload and overtake the AL West.  Enjoy this year Mariners fans, because if you don’t win the world series its going to be right back to Bavasi-esque doldrums.  Oh yeah…they emptied half their farm to get Cliff for one year.  Maybe the revolver is for the front office next October? Probably.

TORONTO:

IN: BALLER PROSPECTS

OUT: Roy Halladay, six mil

Boys and girls, I present to you a very shrewd team looking to stay competitive.  I tip my hat to the Jays…they got the man they REALLY wanted (Drabek, immediately the #1 pitcher in their farm), Travis d’Arnaud who has an awesome last name and very well could develop into a good major leaguer, and flip Michael Taylor to the A’s for a prospect named Brett Wallace.  For people who don’t know Brett Wallace let me break it down.  He’s kind of big framed/kinda pudgy, and is one of the best pure hitters in the minor leagues.  For you scoring at home, people with awkward bodies who can really swat=friggin’ awesome (ask John Kruk and Princess Fielder).  A lefty 1b/3b who has an ability to actually hit lefties rocks.  The only problem with Halladay leaving is the Jays have to sell to their fan base that they’re in rebuild mode, considering Roy Halladay truly was the face of the franchise.

OAKLAND:

IN: Michael Taylor

OUT: Brett Wallace

Nice little move for the A’s here, although as you can see I have a some serious love for Wallace.  Taylor has the tools to be the next Strawberry but is still a little raw—however unlike most super athletes in the minors he’s already a contact hitter trying to develop power.  Usually its the other way around.

Bottom Line for the best god damn team on the planet: Yeah, we did give up some better prospects than we got back.  But think like we just gave up a BMW 7-Series for a BMW 5-Series; we didn’t get slouches in return.  Adios Cliffy baby, Hello Doctor.  Yay baseball.

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