Allswingsconsidered 2.0

Dear loyal readers,

You may have noticed that, as of late, there has been little new content at allswingsconsidered. Actually, there has been NO new content in the last three weeks.

I am writing on behalf of the ASC staff, all three of us that is, to apologize to you. Like Jason Giambi, we feel as if we’ve let you, the media, and our fans down. We know you’d like to know more, but because of pressing legal matters, we can’t get into specifics at this time. Some day, we hope to be able to. But for now, let’s just say we’re not here to talk about the past.

Just know this: Opening Day 2007 is less than a week away and there will be plenty of posts between now and then. Expect in-depth analysis. Expect a new-and-improved news section. Expect an updated Ugueth Urbina Liberation Front. Expect comprehensive drug-testing. Well, maybe not comprehensive drug-testing.

From now on, our mission is to bring you deliciously fresh baseball content every day. Impossible, you say? A lot of people said that a Jason Giambi comeback was impossible. I think we all know how that story turned out.

I guess what I am trying to say is, from this day forward, allswingsconsidered will stop at nothing to be the best at what it does. Even if that means injecting ourselves with the undectectable Human Growth Hormone and pretending to eek out an honest living as First Baseman/Designated Hitter for the New York Yankees.

Affectionately Yours,

ozziecanseco

7th Inning Stretch – Nothing to do with Baseball

Okay, so once in awhile there is a story that comes along, completely unrelated to baseball, which, just because, needs to be shared with our readers. Chimpanzees using spears is such a story.

Ozzie Canseco: I think Bush just found a way to get 20,000 able-bodies into Iraq without causing a domestic uproar

Ozzie Canseco: Bush vows: “as Iraqis stand up, our hyper-intelligent, spear-wielding chimps will stand down”

Upcoming Baseball Movies

ASC reporters were able to uncover and review some of the new upcoming baseball movies.

Attack of the 60’ Biceps! – Due to excessive steroid use, Barry Bonds’ body splits in half. His legs destroy downtown San Francisco while his upper body rampages through Oakland before moving on to Japan.

God in the Outfield – The final movie in the Angels in the Outfield Trilogy and only Jesus Christ can save the Angels this time.

They Were All Chanting “Daryl” – Daryl Strawberry, a young man whose life is being ruined by his excessive drug habits, finds a new life in baseball.

Field of Dreams 2 – The year is 2057 and a young Iowa farmer hears the voice of Harry Kalas whispering to him, “If you build it, they will come.” He tears down his crop and builds a baseball field, and sure enough, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro, Mark Maguire and Jose Canseco come back to play baseball.

Rookie of the Year 2 – Henry Rowengartner (Thomas Ian Nicholas) struggles through a year of Tommy John Surgery.

Space Slam – Looney Tunes bring back Michael Jordan, but this time they need his bat as they battle a band of baseball aliens. Earth is enslaved. Alternate DVD ending: Earth is destroyed!

Air Bud, The Last Out – Final installment of Disney’s series about a sport playing pooch. Teammate Harry Hounds helps Bud out with performance enhancers. Bud gets drilled with a pitch, incites bench clearing brawl, bites pitcher. Bud has to be put down.

Money Harvest – Baseball is in turmoil as players can barely eek out a living (in the upper class). Along comes SuperAgent Scott Morecash who manages to prove that even the most useless of players deserves a multimillion dollar contract. Critics have called it ‘Heartwarming’ and ‘A True American Tale’ and ‘$$$!’

Greenberg: a Mel Gibson Film – Visually stunning epic about the life and times of Tigers great Hank Greenberg. I can’t say enough about this film, although I am confused about the ending. Was Greenberg really the guy who killed Jesus? Also, why did the characters only speak in Ancient Sumerian? Really though, great pic!

The Boys of Summer: A Jerry Bruckheimer Production – Just called up from the minors to make his major league debut, Jackie Robinson (Nicholas Cage) has one thing on his mind: proving that he belongs. But when a seemingly freak accident claims the life of teammate Pee Wee Reese (Gene Hackman), Robinson finds himself caught up in a dangerous web of lies and misdirection that goes all the way up to the Commissioner’s office! Another great film. I don’t want to spoil this for anyone, but the car-chase through downtown Brooklyn is not to be missed.

Pavanowned!!! – A heist-style picture in the spirit of the Italian Job and Ocean’s 11 that tells the story of how Carl Pavano took one strong season of pitching and used it to swindle the wealthiest and most prestigious organization in MLB out of forty million dollars. The beginning was solid, but the last three hours of the movie was just Pavano sitting in a whirlpool tub.