This Scheduling Is Bogus, Man

Baseball players spend the entire season playing in strings of consecutive games with little rest. Then, when they get to the postseason, they get pampered. Needless to say, for a trip that takes less than 2 hours (assuming both teams spend the night in the ballpark), the players require a rest day of travel for their suddenly puny bodies.

Of course, the longer things get drawn out, the more attention MLB gets, which means dollar dollar bills y’all.

Dollar Shirt

The New Uniform of MLB Employees

I have an equally ambitious plan for the remaining WS games. Understandably, the next two games will be played at CBP to even things out. Then…

Game 5 – November 26th. 5pm ET. PNC Park, Pittsburgh. Everyone can be thankful that for once this quite nice ballpark will get to host a World Series Game for the first and possibly only time in it’s existence (at least the Nats and Royals try to form good teams).

PNC Park

Just one game, guys! I promise I won't let you down!

Get your food coma on at the ballpark! Move over NFL, baseball has bigger games to display.

Game 6 – December 25th. 5pm ET. Citifield, NY. Christmas present for the Mets…kind of. It will be a welcome discount on Yankee concessions and ticket prices. Also the beer is important. Apparently Yankee Stadium has a “Beers of the World” stand that sells Heineken, Beck’s, Stella, and other unimpressive mass-produced brews. If you’re uber-retarded you can pay $9 for PBR.

PBR Sucks

Don't call me stingy, that's a $27 Christmas present.

Meanwhile over at Citifield there is one concession stand that has a better selection than all of Yankee Stadium, not to mention the other micro brews you can find at other concessions. Note: I hear CBP has a damn fine selection of brews also.

Game 7 – December 31st. 11pm ET. The Vacant Lot next to the house I grew up in, Long Island. This’ll be an interesting one considering the fact that it’s not entirely a ballpark. Lighting may play a heavy role since it’ll mainly come from those dull orange streetlights. I recommend using neon green tennis balls (from experience) and pro ballplayers should be able to rocket those things at least a neighborhood or two away. The pitcher’s mound is actually lower than the rest of the field since a house used to exist there, so that may make things…awesome? Second base will have to share time with traffic on the street, but since it will be around midnight there won’t be too many vehicles futzing with Jeter’s fielding. I’m pretty sure there will be no stealing of second, so this’ll be a righty-heavy pitching game. The outfield will be across the street on the neighbor’s downhill front lawn. There are actually a lot fewer trees and bushes there, so instead of a miniature forest it is now a playable obstacle course. Get your tickets now, since seating is practically non-existent. BYOB.

Photo Booth

The Photographer's Booth

Additionally, all games are mandatory. None of this first-to-four-wins nancy-boy business.

One Response

  1. Somewhat related, I would like to propose a rule to baseball that whatever team wins the World Series has ONLY home games for the next year. Give their fans double the fun and make everyone come to their house.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: