Hey Everybody, the Yankees have a new tradition!

The New York Times has broken the news that the Yankees have a new tradition. Regardless of the definition of “tradition”, and blind to the fact that the coverage of this World Series is reaching inane heights, the New York Times goes on to describe this previously unknown “tradition” to its online audience that got bored 3 paragraphs into reading about a bombing in Pakistan.

This “new” tradition that is called, “pieing,” which the author is delighted is in the dictionary (“And yes, word fans, the Oxford English Dictionary recognizes the noun “pieing,” just as it recognizes the verb “to pie.” – NYtimes.com) was brought to the Yankees this year by some genius named AJ Burnett. It’s a “creamy slap in the face” that is employed when a teammate hits a walk-off. You can almost hear Jorge Posada sitting in the dug-out around a hastily crafted fire grunting, “Boom him in the face” while he leans on a tree-trunk that is used as a club. But, it doesn’t stop there. The catch is that it is shaving cream, not whip-cream, and now the Yankees are doing it, despite the fact that the article begrudgingly accepts that yes, several other teams have been doing it for years. But hey, it’s now happening in the House that Ruth Built Next to the House that Ruth Built, so already, it’s beyond mythic.

Below you will see a victim of “pieing.”


Notice the “reach-around” employed to make sure that he takes as much cream to the face as possible.

Jim Bouton, the foil for this article, doesn’t like it one bit.

“In my day, they had more creative ways to sort of celebrate,” said Mr. Bouton, 70. “Pieing would have been silly, kids’ stuff. We would put a live snake in a guy’s underwear. That is something that real men would do. This is silly stuff, you know what I mean? It’s kid stuff. The guys today, they’re inexperienced.”

Real men would stick reptiles down each other’s trousers. You can almost hear Mr. Bouton going on, “Back in my day we didn’t only pie the player, but their families too, in the middle of the night. Yessir, rounded them up and pied them into a ditch. These kids ain’t got no backbone.”

An expert weighs in:

“baseball historian John Thorn drew a distinction between what he considers pranks like snakes in underwear and rituals like postgame pieing — and, he added, the pie in the face is a new phenomenon, as these things go. “I don’t remember this happening 20 years ago,” he said. Pieing, he added, was a product of “the age of irony.”

Good thing he said something. Before I just assumed pieing was the product of vastly overpaid man-children who are treated like Mona Lisas. Now I can relegate all of that to “age of irony”, which also made “Rick Rolling” popular.

Conclusion: “pieing” is not new, nor a “tradition,” the Yankees are over covered, and the media is way too in love with those billion dollar boys in pinstripe blue. Like Mr. Thorn says: “It makes our heroic players seem like regular guys, and we like them to have 90 seconds of insipid postgame interview capped by the pricking of the gonfalon bubble.”

Prick those gonfalon bubbles, mates.

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