The Ultimate Showdown

Tons of things can be said about this upcoming world series.  Good versus Evil.  Righteous versus the wicked.  Upper middle class versus fiendishly wealthy.

Let’s face it…this is shaping up to be an all-time series.  The most explosive AL team vs the most explosive NL team.  The defending WFC vs the team with the highest payroll, most expensive new home, and biggest bandwagon fans on the planet (sorry Red Sox Nation, you just squeezed in 2nd).  The home grown boys against the best team money can buy.  LET’S GO TO THE TALE OF THE TAPE!

Offenses:

These are two full blown nuclear superpowers. 1-6 these two lineups are retardedly potent.  Jeter-Damon-Teixera-Arod-Godzilla-Posada.  Rollins-Victorino-Utley-Howard-Werth-Ibanez.  Those literally are all-star lineups.  However, I firmly believe the battle for offensive superiority in this series will not come from these hitters….but from the bottom three’s.  Lets look at who we got shakin’.

Yankees—any combo of Swisher-Cano-Cabrera.  Truly an interesting bottom three.  Swisher is a great “glue-guy” and can provide pop from either side of the plate.  However…he’s blown mega donkey this post season.  Melky is hitting well (.300 plus clip), has decent wheels, but is very very hot and cold.  Cano has kinda stunk this postseason also, pedestrian .229 average (but also has 5 rbi).

Phillies—Feliz-Ruiz-DH(either Stairs/Dobbs or Ben Francisco).  Equally intriguing as the Yankees.  Feliz is full blown AIDS against righties and has been by far the weak link in the phils lineup.  Carlos Ruiz is Senor October….346 avg, .500 on base and hitting in the clutch. The 9th spot is the ultimate wild card…Ben francisco has seen limited action this postseason, but has proven he can move the lumber well and provide some power.  Matt Stairs has shown his light-tower-power in games past, and against AJ Burnett theres a solid chance he will be summoned.  Dobbs…man, who knows.  Injured most of the year, PH specialist year before.  Huge unknown.

Advantage: As corny as it sounds, in NY it’ll be the Yankees and in PHL the Phils.

STARTING PITCHING:

Sabathia looks like a brand new post-season fellow.  Cliff Lee is the T1000 of pitching…I’ll wash them both out.  Burnett gives Yankees fans  major angst and in this series it’ll continue.  Andy Pettitte scares me…alot.  Big game pitcher, lefty who pounds the zone, best pick-off move in the league.  What scares me even more? I think the world series is determined between Andy Pettitte and (gulp) Cole Hamels.  We know what Hamels did last year, and what Pettittes done in the past.  I don’t feel confident.

ADVANTAGE YANKEES

BULLPEN

I’d like to ask all the baseball commentators to pull the Dodgers bullpen dick out of their mouths, because the Phillies completely went Chris Brown on that ass.  And I’d now like to ask all the analysts to chill out on the Yankees bullpen…Marte is nothing great, Hughes hasn’t had a great post-season, Joba is a headcase, Robertson is hot and cold.  Rivera has the best postseason stats of all time…but don’t tell anybody…he’s quietly lost three world series for the Yankees.  His ERA is ridiculously low…but when he does let up a run…it’s usually a loss.

The Phillies bullpen truly is a do whatever it takes bunch.  JA Happ and Blanton both have thrown BP innings, and made starts this post season.  Scott Eyres elbow is so messed up he can’t be used on back to back days.  Chan Ho Park came from out of left field and has been one of the best single-inning arms the Phils have.  Madson has kind of sucked.  He can make people miss, but he’s also served up some shit sandwiches.  Brad Lidge started throwing a cutter to lefties and POOF—his confidence is back.  Chad Durbin….Chad Durbin!…has looked fantastic in relief.

What this is going to come to is middle relief I believe.  Pettitte or Burnett will be knocked out early, ditto for whoever is 2 and 3 for the Phillies.  Which team can stop the bleeding? Hell if I know.

ADVANTAGE NOBODY

DEFENSE

I’ll keep this quick…Yankees are a pretty good defensive team, however: Jeter only goes right (like Zoolander), Swisher has brain farts, and I throw better with my left than Damon and Matsui do with their strong arm.  For the Phillies, the weak spot in the OF is Ibanez…and he’s still pretty good. Best defensive infield in baseball, and Carlos Ruiz is a name everybody in baseball is learning quickly.

ADVANTAGE PHILLIES

I interrupt this post to say Eduardo Perez, baseball analyst for ESPN, is a total moron.

MANAGER

Joe Girardi has been there and done that…so has Cholly Manual.  I’d say Joe Girardi in a heart-beat…but for the last two years everything old Chuck-Wagon has touched has turned to gold.  He gets the nod.

ADVANTAGE PHILLIES

INTANGIBLES

The Yankees FINALLY are playing as a team after 3+ years playing as hired baseball mercenaries.  There isn’t a more likable team in the world than the Phillies.  Call me a homer…I don’t give a fuck.

ADVANTAGE PHILLIES

I’d like to end this post by saying I have absolutely no idea how this series is going to go.  Really the two best teams in the league doing battle in October…it’s the way its supposed to be.  Finally, if you’re not from New York or have New York ties, and you’re rooting for the Yankees in this matchup, you’re a full blown asshole.  There is no middle ground (even you Mets fans…would you rather have your rivals win it, or hear from every other fag in your hometown about HOW AWESOME A-ROD IS? Exactly.).  I’ve actually picked against the Phillies in most post-season series up until the last one (I took Phils in 6).  So…I’ll say Phils in 6, to cement their place in the record books as World Fucking Champions…again.