Special Valentine’s Day Article: Misremembering the Women in Our Lies

Can you imagine the conversation between Roger Clemens’ and his wife before the testimony on Capitol Hill? It was certainly a surprise, to me at least, that Clemens’ would find it plausible that the public would believe his account of the steroid use in his family. Maybe if he denied it one thing, but I know I am having a hard time trusting a man like Clemens, who find it’s permissable to indict his wife in his stead. “Oh Andy Petitte must have mixed us up,” I can hear him reasoning. “She also has a few Cy Youngs awards and a couple of World Series Rings.”

My personal media-fueled image of sports’ wives is one of utmost passivity. They aren’t a part of the game if things go wrong for you. If anything, they are the better half whose voice is usually reserved for Charity Auctions or Stop MS Knitting Functions. Indeed, sports seems to do a lot to make sure that the wives are viewed as perfect homemakers, always cheery while their husbands travel for most of the year and miss the kids growing up. They are expected to produce the male off-spring that could one day lead to Griffey-Griffey type records. Clemens seems to be entering taboo territory as he is implying that Debbie is the muscular one in the family. (A quick internet search proves this entire paragraph wrong by the way. See Kris Benson’s wife… However, I don’t think I’ll ever get the image of the knitting wives with chew from Naked Gun out of my head).

But this is kind of how America works, isn’t it? Leave the spouse in a lurch of humiliation because the husband made some bad decisions. Cut to scene of Former Governor Jim McGreevey admitting to the world that he is a “Gay-American,” while his wife stands to the side being “supportive.” How about Senator Larry Craig and his calls that he was framed for trying to pick up a man in an airport bathroom stall, while his wife stands “supportive” by his side. And let’s not forget the most recent public cuckholding in America. Now that silent-on-the-subject spouse is running for president. Is this what we expect? Women who support their husbands’ inability to control themselves in positions of great visibility.

But Clemens has taken it too far. Not just settling for having a “supportive” wife while his name gets tarnished, he blames her to take the heat off himself. Can you imagine that conversation? “Honey, I am going to blame you so that I can get into the Hall of Fame.” Were there tears? Or did she simply say, “Whatever you think, honey.” This is to be expected. After years of steroid use, Clemens seems to be lacking balls.

It all started at the beginning. “Who has been eating of the fruit of the garden of Eden?” a certain deity asked, and Adam, weighing his options, and embarrased at his pliability when handed food by his wife, merely cocks his hand to the left and betrays the only woman in the world.