Roger Clemens: Innocent…..ARE YOU %&)*&#)($ KIDDING ME???

So I’m watching the Roger Clemens deposition right now. And a great number of things are jumping out at me.

1) Roger Clemens refuses to admit he lied at any time. About anything. The initial depositions he and McNamee gave are full of holes because they had no idea how deep this thing would get. I just watched 10 minutes of Clemens dodging a question about whether or not he ever spoke about or researched HGH in anyway…WHEN HIS WIFE HAS ADMITTED TO TAKING HGH AND HAVING AN ADVERSE REACTION! Ok so lets review. Roger Clemens: major league baseball player, 300+ wins, 7-time Cy Young winner who strangely enough defied all logic and became even MORE dominant through his late 30’s and 40’s (hey…I know a baseball hitter who was JUST like that! wonder if he did any PED’s…). Debra Clemens: wife of Roger Clemens, has to do nothing but pop out babies and keep her husband satisfied, look hot and spend money. Yup, it’s official. That fucking Debra Clemens was DEFINITELY the one who first started doing HGH.

2) The congressmen are having a grand olde time trying to upstage one another. One republican dildo from Indiana I believe it was just publicly felated Roger Clemens on television, and no doubt will get serious pub for it. They all enjoy asking McNamee the same questions, bringing up old quotes from ’06 and ’07 saying he had no idea about anything related to steroids (including Pettitte, Clemens, everybody, etc.) At least McNamee is man enough to admit he lied earlier about all the crap he was shoveling. I don’t think these congressmen ever really had any friends growing up, because they obviously don’t know you don’t snitch on your friends…until the Feds come knocking at your door threatening severe legal punishment. Just ask Henry Hill!

3) McNamee said he gave Clemens winstrol in 1998–because of an improper injection it gave Clemens some sort of ass issue which caused an MRI. After looking at the MRI report (which said the pain was more than likely caused by an intramuscular injection….HELLLLLOOO?) Clemens says it was due to a B12 shot. After consulting with some uber-MRI pimp daddy doctor who says the adverse effect would more than likely be caused by a winstrol injection and not by a B12 injection, Clemens’ lawyer looked like he nearly passed a kidney stone, shit his pants and vomited at the same time.

To recap: Brian McNamee is no angel. He’s lied, cheated, most likely stolen at some point in his life, and no doubt conducted illegal activities. All that being said: he lied through his teeth countless times to protect his clients and most importantly his FRIENDS. I can’t blame him for spilling the beans now…he was threatened with legal action by the Mitchell report. At one point during the deposition I started to think, “Man…this Brian guy really is getting his credibility destroyed.” Then I also thought, “If I was this guy, I think I’d be doing the same thing.” Would I have lied about giving out steroids to Clemens and Pettitte if some weiner newspaper writer asked me about it? OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE. If I had a senator knocking down my door threatening legal punishment all the while being thumbed by other players as supplying them with PED’s, would I have a different answer? I think you can figure that out.

Let’s face it kids…Clemens juiced. I wish he didn’t; I enjoy imagining my baseball players are straight as an arrow, all their talent is natural born, would never cheat, and would kill themselves for the team. Like Chase Utley. If everybody puts on their logical thinking cap and inhales all the evidence, how can you possibly say he DIDN’T use steroids? And if you do, you’re probably thinking OJ just happened to be a target of racial discrimination by the LAPD.

3 Responses

  1. Clemens SMASH!

  2. I would like to state that I have never used PEDs to enhance my baseball writing…sometimes known as WEDs…sometimes known as WEED for guys such as Allen Ginsberg, Lewis Carroll, and Woody Paige.

  3. If you consider pretzels and Natures Valley granola bars as WEDs, then I’m the Jose Canseco of baseball writing

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