It’s Not News, It’s Barry Bonds’ Son

For those of you who don’t frequent Fark, the title of this article is a play on the site’s tagline “It’s not news, it’s…Fark.com.” Recently, Fark founder, Drew Curtis, published a book, It’s Not News, It’s Fark: How Mass Media Tries to Pass Off Crap As News, observing, sampling, and investigating the reasons mainstream media outlets such as CNN, Fox, CBS, NBC, etc. try to pass off ridiculous stories as major news. I had thought sporting news was safe from such cheap attempts at journalism, but I was wrong.

This story, concerning an injury to Nikolai Bonds, son of Barry, appeared in the top headlines across many of the major sports websites, granted it was an AP written story, but it hardly seems worth writing.

In the article we learn such shocking and useful information as this:
That means he might not be in a Giants uniform working as a bat boy when his father breaks Hank Aaron’s home run record, as the younger Bonds has been for many of his dad’s other milestones in recent years.
OH, NO! EVERYBODY PANIC!
“He’ll still be there,” Barry Bonds said. “It’s not serious. I don’t think anything’s that serious at 17. Who says he won’t be down there. Who knows? We’re not there yet.”
OH…ok, not so bad. Wait, why am I reading and/or caring about this?

How many bat-boys get articles written about them? None. Or an extremely minute percentage at the most. How many baseball articles are written about Barry Bonds? Approximately one out of every two is about him. This is a cheap attempt at humanizing Bonds as we discover what home runs lil’ Nikolai was around for and what he and the rest of the fam’ are going to do when daddy hits 756. The article goes into little detail of Barry and focuses mainly on Nikolai, someone who has NO SWAY ON THE BASEBALL WORLD WHATSOEVER.

There are two reasons why Barry Bonds’ head became so huge: Slightly more than hypothetical steroids and the nonstop obsession of the media with him. We do not need to over inflate his son’s ego with widespread national attention. Nor should we care about his son. We peruse sporting news to learn of sports, not teenagers on the sidelines.

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