This Just In: The AL Cy Young Race is Over

To all the AL pitchers out there hoping for the Cy Young award I have some words for you: Give up now. In case you missed it last night or this morning on SportsCenter or Baseball tonight (if you watched either one of those there is NO WAY you missed it) Dice-K went 6 DOMINANT innings yesterday, allowing only ONE (!!!!!!!!!) run, 6 hits, and 10k’s (ZOMG h0ly sh1ts!!!). Not only that, he did it against perrenial powerhouse Kansas City Royals whom are no doubt in my mind a major league baseball team.

While the collective Boston metropolitan area woke up this morning like it was the day after Game 4 in 2004, I could only agree with them. Dice-K is no doubt the most dominant pitcher in the bigs. Santana? Carpenter? Oswalt? Are you kidding? Ninja please…they don’t throw 7 unhittable pitches or have anything in their arsenal close to anything resembling a gyroball. Who cares Ben Sheets went 9 innings and gave up one run? Or that Cole Hamels (age 23, salary 400k) threw 7 scoreless innings, with 4 hits and 8k’s? HE’S NOT THE DICE MAN BABY! OHHHH!!!

Post Script:

Excuse me if I’m not blowing my load over Dice-K just yet. Let him face the Yankees and their lineup; if he puts up the same numbers against them I’ll happily pat him on the back. Till then, IT WAS THE GOD DAMN ROYALS!!!

Post Post Script:

Mariners…ya see?

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4 Responses

  1. Haha, well said.

  2. What? Are you implying that Dice-K dominating the Royals is comparable to DSU lax dominating first year programs? How dare you! Dice-K will win, he JUST NEEDS TO PLAY OUR GAME.

  3. Way to lower the tone.

  4. Who picked a HUGE winner?! That’s right this guy! Let’s go Felix!

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