This Just In: Yadier Molina is a Craphead

Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina is refusing to part with the ball that struck out the final Tigers batter in the World Series, despite the fact that he promised to give it to Adam Wainwright, the pitcher who delivered the final strike.


“He [Wainwright] was trying to get that ball from me, I know,” Molina told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch in Tuesday’s edition. “He deserves it. He does. But that’s the one thing I have from a long season. I hit .216. It was a tough year. I didn’t earn much else, but I have that ball. That’s my reward.”

Let’s break down the Molina line of reasoning piece by piece. Maybe then it will make more sense.

Molina concedes that Wainwright deserves to have the ball.

So why not give it to him?

Because Molina had an atrociously bad season at the plate and therefore deserves a reward.

Okay, I still don’t follow. I can only conclude that one of the following must be true:
1. Like Pujols’ comments about Ryan Howard winning the MVP, this English-language translation went horribly awry and Molina actually plans to give the ball to Wainwright.
2. Molina is feeble-minded, like, Flowers for Algernon feeble-minded, in which case it’s best just to let him keep it.
3. Molina was accurately quoted and is just a total craphead.

My gut says total craphead, as does the smug look on Molina’s face in his player card.

Been sick for a solid five days now, but a long post is coming soon. In the meantime, here are a few random thoughts to ponder:

Conventional wisdom dictates that, short of a god-like season, starting pitchers do not deserve MVP consideration because they only play in thirty to thirty-five games per season and thus are less valuable to their club than position players that play nearly every game. Why then, did clubs jump at the chance to throw 10 million dollars a year plus at mediocre pitchers like Ted Lilly and Gil Meche but paid-out less, substantially less in some cases, to All-Star calibur position players (see: Joe Mauer)? What does this say about “value” in baseball?

There hasn’t been a great two-sport athlete since Bo Jackson, or even a passably good one since Deion Sanders. Suppose there was one playing today. Suppose he was really, really good. Then suppose that it was discovered that he was a steroid-user. How would Americans react? That the NFL and its athletes gets a free pass from the press and public on performance-enhancing drugs while baseball players these days find themselves guilty until proven innocent is a disgrace. I have no idea how such a situation would play out, but I pray for one like it. Maybe then, we would all start to realize just how hypocritical the way we deal with steroid use in this country is.

Rumors of a Scott Linebrink for Aaron Rowand deal have died down in recent weeks, but I got to wondering: How does Mike Cameron feel about the prospect of playing alongside a guy like Aaron Rowand, a man known for smashing his face and running into teammates while in pursuit of flyballs? Cameron has to be thinking, “I am the unluckiest man in the world.” My advice to Mike: invest in one of those Richard Hamilton facemasks now, just in case. You can never be too safe.

3 Responses

  1. “This offseason, Wainwright approached Molina, who led all players with 19 hits in the playoffs. Molina said he would give Wainwright the ball when the players received their championship rings.

    Will he follow through? “I don’t think so,” Molina said.”

    Wow, what a total asshat. I HATE THE MOLINA SO MUCH! He looks like a baby.

  2. Wait… football players use steroids? And baseball players don’t use steroids?

    A few reasons that I think there is a crackdown on baseball and not football:
    1. Football players are for the most part anonymous. They are always wearing a helmet and there are fewer individuals (i.e. players that are recognizable if they are mediocre).
    2. Baseball is the only sport that has comprehensible advertisements to kids. Worse role models.
    3. If a ballplayer is using steroids and hits, say, 73 homeruns, he is a worse threat to the game and its history. If a guy runs more yards, he is really not affecting too much. For the most part, the problems with football steroids is one of survival, and for baseball, it seems to be the ticket for instant stardom.
    4. Football players are mostly illiterate and communicate with grunts and body language. It would be nearly impossible to take them to court.

  3. after looking at his player card (more importantly the distance between his eyes), Yadier’s FAE must be kicking in

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: