The Baseball Fan Populace is Stupid…

Originally written November 29th, 2006

So I recently voted in a Yahoo Sports poll about the story of the year in baseball, and following ~60,000 votes these are the results:

6% Baseball gets tougher on steroids
5% Japan wins inaugural World Baseball Classic
10% Yankees’ five-game sweep of Red Sox
11% Ryan Howard hits 58 home runs
13% Cory Lidle dies in NYC plane crash
6% Kenny Rogers’ “dirty” hand in World Series
3% Players, owners agree to new labor deal
21% Cardinals win World Series
14% Joe Girardi wins manager of year, gets fired
11% Daisuke Matsuzaka’s $51.1M posting fee

I shall now prove why most of these are not that big a deal whatsoever:

Let us begin with the Yankees sweeping the Red Sox. Except for those living in New York or Boston this means nothing. Adding 5 extra wins to Boston’s record would still leave them out of the playoffs and the Yankees did nothing in the playoffs to show that they deserved getting there. NYY & BOS: two teams that ruined what could have been perfectly wonderful seasons for their $100 million payrolls and fans. I attribute the 10% voting for this to idiot Yankee fans trying to pull something good from what ended up being a season that left a bitter taste in their mouths.

Next up: Steroids. Ok, so about 3 or 4 crappy to so-so players got caught with this random testing…not a word on anyone else (BONDS!). Big stories have big players involved.

Howard’s 58: This story is up there as it is something that lasted the entire season and was the highest HR total since Bond’s hit 73 in ’01 and the highest clean total since…well, since Maris hit 61 in ’61. Forget that he plays half his games in the Piggy Bank, I’m sure he’ll be able to top that number as he gains more experience, and he gives fans a real slugger to cheer. And his dad’s name is Ron Howard.

Lidle’s Crash: No disrespect to Cory Lidle, but as I said before big stories have big players and Cory wasn’t someone who brought fans to the stands. Clemente was a loss and a hall of famer, Lidle was a loss and a solid middle rotation guy. The reason why it got such a large percentage? It was recent, and fans can’t remember back too far.

Roger’s smudge: The fact that no one important seemed to care at all about this (i.e. umps, coaches, Selig) kills this automatically. Also, Rogers is an asshole (i.e. he sucked for the Mets in the playoffs).

New Labor Deal: Anything with the word ‘labor’ in it won’t get too much thought.

Cardinal’s Series: I hate the Cardinals. The fact that they were the worst team to win a Series ever may give this a boost, but…it was one of the lowest rated series, no one really cared at all…except perhaps the Cardinals.

Girardi awarded and fired: Jeffry Loria is an idiot, and I feel sorry for the Marlin’s that their owner is an uncaring, incompetent dickhead. Not much else that major about this though, seeing as Girardi isn’t going to coach next season.

Matsuzaka to Bosox: Now this is really recent, hence the 11%. But there is still too much to wait and see about this story. Will Boston sign him? For how much? If not, then who will get him? Will he pitch well? So Boston spent 51.1mill on him, then the Yankees go spend 26mill on a slightly better than decent pitcher…once again the two teams are turning this into a two city story.

By now my vote should be clear: Japan is World Champion. There are really a huge number of factors involved in this. Funny how it got the second lowest percentage…remember what I said about baseball fans’ memories?

-First ever Baseball World Classic, Japan beats Cuba. NO USA!

-Matsuzaka, playing for Japan, wins MVP.

-Cuba had previously been kept from entering the tournament due to the US Gov’t and Bush not liking the possibility of Cuba profiting from it. Also, not one Cuban player was in MLB.

-Team USA sucked. Here’s a plan, let’s rely on power hitting, because it’s worked remarkably well for the past World Series winners. Also, A-Rod should play a lot, because in important games he is…actually pretty terrible.

So once again Team USA is beaten at its own game. Should we guess why, time after time, whenever we field teams of millionaire egos, they bomb?

…except for some of us

Note: This article is based entirely on the premise that I am right and everyone else is wrong…unless they happen to agree with me.

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