Three Questions Worth Caring About Heading into 2007

Will Roger Clemens pitch again? Will Barry Bonds eclipse Hank Aaron in all-time homeruns or will he be indicted before he gets the chance? Will Matsuzaka and his gyroball live up to the hype? These are, without a doubt, the most talked-about questions of the offseason. But honestly, is there a single person out there [...]

Upcoming Baseball Movies

ASC reporters were able to uncover and review some of the new upcoming baseball movies. Attack of the 60’ Biceps! – Due to excessive steroid use, Barry Bonds’ body splits in half. His legs destroy downtown San Francisco while his upper body rampages through Oakland before moving on to Japan. God in the Outfield – [...]

John Thomson is an Idiot and Likes 3rd Place

Originally written January 10th, 2007 — In response to: John Thomson has verbal diarrhea So John Thomson, a crappy pitcher at best, recently explained why he decided to accept the Toronto Blue Jays offer instead of the Mets (and anyone else’s). Now, the actual reasoning for this could be boiled down to the fact that [...]

Why Build a Pool in a Ballpark (?): The “Post-Modern” Trends of Consumerism in Baseball: Part 1

Take me out to the ballgame—buy me some peanuts and crackers jacks—stop to do some banking—drop the kids off at the Fun Zone—pick up a $120 jersey in the gift shop—go dancing in the VIP club—take a dip in the pool—root root root for the home team (which one is the home team again? Oh [...]

2007 Phillies: Dirtier… and Preposterously Better

Phillies second baseman Chase Utley is a dirtball. So say his teammates, his manager, and organization execs like Chief Scout Mike Arbuckle. Ex-skipper Larry Bowa used to call him a “baseball rat.” Dirtball. Rat. Not exactly terms of endearment, right? Wrong. Utley’s clubhouse nicknames are actually compliments of the highest order: testament of his peers [...]

The Baseball Fan Populace is Stupid…

Originally written November 29th, 2006 — So I recently voted in a Yahoo Sports poll about the story of the year in baseball, and following ~60,000 votes these are the results: 6% Baseball gets tougher on steroids 5% Japan wins inaugural World Baseball Classic 10% Yankees’ five-game sweep of Red Sox 11% Ryan Howard hits [...]

Don’t Tell Me St. Louis Deserved To Win…

Originally written November 1st, 2006 — “Jeff Weaver…ranked 76th out of 80 qualifiers for the ERA title (5.76).” “Yadier Molina [had a] .216 average during the regular season [which] was higher than only Tampa Bay’s Jonny Gomes among the 200 batters who came to the plate at least 450 times. Naturally Molina led all players [...]