The Knuck Marches On

ESPN reports that the Red Sox have torn up the best contract in baseball.  Yes, they have replaced Tim Wakefield’s perpetual, $4 million per year contract with a 2-year, $5 million dollar deal.  This is obviously a source of concern for those who want to see Wakefield play indefinitely, as it suggests a timeline in the Red Sox’s mind.  Nevertheless, two more years will bring Wakefield that much closer to the great cumulative records of all time.  Here is how our favorite Everyman is doing in his relentless assault on the greatest pitching records of all time (years to goal are based on his average yearly production):

WakfieldTim Wakefield: 17 years Major League service (not including 1994, when he regrettably did not play)

Wins: Cy Young (511)
Wakefield: 162
Years to goal:36.6

Innings pitched: Cy Young (7,354.2)
Wakefield: 2,931.2
Years to goal: 25.7

Walks: Nolan Ryan (2,795)
Wakefield: 1,122
Years to goal: 25.3

Earned runs: Cy Young (2,147)
Wakefield: 1,411
Years to goal: 8.9 (!!!)

Hits allowed: Cy Young (7,092)
Wakefield: 2,836
Years to goal: 25.5

These year goals are, of course, rough approximations.  Everyone knows that the knuckle ball can, without warning, go off and become unhittable for a day, month, or half-season.*

I hope the Red Sox will do the right thing and let Wakefield remain their #5 starter until he accomplishes his Destiny as our generation’s greatest and best chance to wipe Cy Young, and occasionally Nolan Ryan, from the cumulative-stat record books.  Phillies, you are on standby to retain Jamie Moyer should the Red Sox fail in this mission.

*See Wakefield’s first half of 1995: 1995: 7-1, 1.61 era in 10 starts.

Quick Links: Everybody On This Blog Depressed

Prepare for pain, anger, and humor.

Amazin’ Avenue: The Gangsta and Grission Awards give mention to David Wright’s helmet and Tony Bernazard’s pugilism.

Metstradamus: The Mets are apparently scared of wasting money on certain free agents, which is something they hadn’t ever really worried about before. Also, out there somewhere, is an enormous bitch by the name of Carol Hirsch.

The Good Phight: Runs through which Phillies weren’t Phillie-ee enough.

Joe Posnanski: I can only assume that after reading my inspiring post, Joe had to leap into the fray and back me up. Sickening numbers.

Jeff Passan: Ol’ Jeff cranks out a good article on Yankees and money and eventually confirming why Randy Levine would only be able to get a job with the Yankees (requirements: dickbaggery of such magnitude that it has it’s own gravitational pull). Evidence is within the quote:

“The Yankees won the World Series,” team president Randy Levine said, “and all is right with the world again.”

Flame War: Yankee fans merely average at best, worldwide

So as the entirety of non-Yankees fans falls into deeper hatred of the Bronx Bombe…ugh, I bring you a response to this thing written a few weeks ago by a “journalist.”

Mike Lupica, a poor excuse for a sports writer, is a douche? There are no real facts presented, just vague observations about how “…no fans have ever supported a baseball team, the most famous team in this world, the way Yankee fans support theirs.”

He even calls them the best fans in the world…it’s not so much an article written by a journalist as it is a Yankee fan talking out of his ass for the NY Daily News. I’m not sure whether this raging crapstorm of an article is a stronger argument against Lupica or NY Daily News, but just to be safe, refrain from reading or associating with either of them. I am not a journalist and I have never taken a course in journalism, but if I were running a newspaper and someone tried to dupe me into thinking they had written a story I would chuck him out onto the street so quickly that a cliché would appear. Try and find something in that drivel that makes it appear that Lupica spent more than 5 minutes on this or even attempted to look up any information or facts or anything. You can’t. (Quick aside: I was in Barcelona during FC Barcelona’s trio of triumphs and the fans there went absolutely ballistic in the streets into the morning. In Europe the soccer leagues are the only mainstream leagues…the fans are insanely devoted).

So anyway, I decided to actually find some facts and see what could be concluded. I checked on attendance to Yankee games and found out that as the Yankees won more and their payroll went up then their attendance also rose. Weird. The same thing happens for like every other sports team. Could it be that the Yankees have just regular fans? Oh wait, Rudy Giuliani is a fan…Yankee fans are asswads (this may be a slight generalization).

rudy

I'm a prick!

Yankees’ Average attendance, Total, MLB Ave Total

Yankees’ Win-Loss Record through their years

Ok, so in ‘95 the Yankees had a winning record (79-65)…and horrible attendance (23,521 per game)…BEST FANS!
‘91 and ‘92 they had horrible records (71-91; 76-86) and even worse attendance (23,009; 21,589)…BEST FANS!
From 2000 through 2008 their average attendance has slowly risen from 37k to 53k…all winning years and take a good guess as to what happened with payroll each of those years. UP.
In ‘03 to ‘04 average attendance jumped by 5k…A-Rod might have had something to do with that.

But there’s more. In my search for reason and logic I found an idiot posing as a statistician.

This guy theorizes that the Yankees spending hasn’t change all that much in comparison to the rest of baseball over the past so many years (article written in 2003). He pinpoints two seasons, ‘77 and ‘03 (ok, weird thing, he says Yankees were in the World Series in ‘03 yet the article’s date is July 03), and uses them to ’support’ his theory.

1977: NYY payroll $3,474,325 out of a total league payroll of $23,854,375
NYY had 14.56% of league payroll

2003: NYY payroll $149,710,995 out of a total league payroll of $952,938,250
NYY had 15.71% of league payroll

He cites “no big difference.”

He overlooks: 26 teams in ‘77 in comparison to 30 teams in ‘03. HUGE FREAKIN’ DIFFERENCE.
The Yanks had a greater percentage of league payroll despite the fact that there were more teams and therefore more players (i.e. A larger percentage of a larger pot).

So, what happens now? I check on ‘09.

2009: NYY payroll $208,097,414 out of a total league payroll of $2,648,026,529
NYY had 12.72% of league payroll

Further numbers:

‘77: Average payroll: 917,476………..NYY payroll is 3.79 times larger than average
‘03: Average payroll: 31,764,608…….NYY payroll is 4.71 times larger
‘09: Average payroll: 88,267,551…….NYY payroll is 2.35 times larger

Interesting…the rest of baseball has been playing catch-up the past few years. Not to mention the Yankees have been spending like George W. Bush forever.
So…just some theories now…between the Yanks over-spending success and massive, unwarranted contracts that followed (Boras) everyone is getting rich. Question is, who started it? Did A-Rod’s Boras-scripted contract to the Rangers do it…or did the Yankees rushing at every big-name free agent do it? Dice-K, Vernon Wells, the Seattle Mariners team (esp. Carlos Silva), the New York Mets team (esp. Oliver Perez), Barry Zito, and all the other overpaid MLBers would like to thank whomever you are.

Another quick lesson: Ideally all teams would operate at the league average payroll. Doesn’t happen. Slightly less than ideal: The top spending team and bottom spending team average out to league average…and 2 & 29, 3 & 28, etc.

‘09 average: $88,267,551

#1 NYY 208,097,414 + #30 PIT 25,197,000 =/2= 116,647,207
#2 NYM 145,367,987 + #29 FLA 35,774,000 =/2= 90,570,993.5
#8 PHI 111,209,046 + #23 MIN 67,634,766 =/2= 89,421,906

Granted, Pittsburgh’s owners are apparently unrelenting dickwads (which should help), but that total is way beyond the league average. Heck, pretend the Yankees are two teams, divide by two, and…at $104,048,707 they are still way beyond the average. Other quick notes: The Marlins are massive overachievers and the Mets and Astros shouldn’t be spending that much for how bad they are.

Also, the Yankees currently have 12 players signed through next season…at a total cost of $166.3 million. The top paid 10 take up about $165mil of that. Think about it, 10 players already making more than any other team will spend next season.

Who wants to pay over $1,000 for a Yank seat? Yankees fans are amazing! …ly dumb. At the beginning of the season the best seats were going for $2,625 for individual games and $2,500 season. That’s a $202,500 season ticket. In a game where there is such a huge supply (of seating and games) that is called economic stupidity. Fortunately they lowered those to $1,500. Still an assload at $121,500.

custom_1236889176876_Nice_seats_01

Cost: an arm and two legs.

And now, the bandwagon grows.

Coming soon to a spring training near you

Trends Dashed

Some trends which ended with this World Series (dashed trend indicated by sad orange text):

1) In this playoff season, the demise of good closers and the ascent of bad closers:

  • Jonathan Papelbon (good):
    Regular season: 38/41 in save opportunities, 1.85 era
    Post season: 0/1, 13.50 era
  • Joe Nathan (good):
    Regular season: 47/52, 2.10 era
    Post season: 0/1, 9.00 era
  • Ryan Franklin (good, somehow):
    Regular season: 38/43, 1.92 era
    Post season: 0/1, 0.00 era (couldn’t retire side after Holliday error)
  • Jonathan Broxton (good):
    Regular: 36/42, 2.61 era
    Post-season: 2/3, 4.05 era
  • Mariano Rivera (good):
    Regular season: 44/46 svs, 1.76 era
    World Series trend dashed: 5/5 svs, 0.56 era
  • Brad Lidge (bad):
    Regular: 31/42, 7.21 era
    Post-season until World Series: 3/3, 0.00 era
    World Series trend dashed: 1 IP, 3 R, loss

2)  Alex Rodriguez continuing to not win a World Series:

  • Alex Rodriguez, July 27 1975-November 3, 2009: not winning the World Series
  • Alex Rodriguez, November 4, 2009: won World Series

3)  The Phillies winning the World Series and the Yankees not winning the World Series.

  • 2008: Phillies win the World Series, Yankees do not
  • 2009: Yankees win the World Series, Phillies do not

One trend that remains to be tested is teams getting better after Alex Rodriguez leaves:

  • 2000 Seattle Mariners, with A-Rod: 91-71
  • 2001 Seattle Mariners, without A-Rod: 116-46(!)
  • 2003 Texas Rangers, with A-Rod: 71-91
  • 2004 Texas Rangers, without A-R0d: 89-73

If this one holds, look out for those 2018 New York Yankees.

Utley: Godsend

utleinator2

The machine behind the man

Courtesy of Costesflaming bat.

Back to the Bronx for Game 6.

“Chase Utley, you are the man!”

Whatever Happened To…

Raul2

Raul Ibanez?

Last seen: June 13th, 2009; Philadelphia.

At time of last sighting: was seen batting .322 with a 1.058 OPS, 22 home runs and 59 RBI.

Howard1

Ryan Howard?

Last seen: October 28th, 2009; the Bronx

At time of last sighting: was seen batting .361 with RBI in 9 out of 10 playoff games.

dog1

Roscoe Roosevelt?

Last seen: October 13th, 2009; the backyard

At time of last sighting: was working off the frustration of losing a squirrel over the fence by chewing on an old Jim Thome batting practice bat.

Anyone with knowledge of the whereabouts of these three individuals should contact Charlie Manual at 1-800-CHARLIE.

Nick Swisher, 29, Will Be Best Remembered for His Relatively High .OBP

Police approached Joe Blanton quietly as the pitcher put out his hands to be cuffed. He didn’t say anything, he just let the officers lead him off the field and push his head down as they ducked into the dug-out. Meanwhile, Sgt. Thomas Patterson pulled a sheet over the victim’s faux-hawked head. 46,000 witnesses looked on.

“I’m sure we’ll uncover more about the relationship between the two as time goes on,” said Sgt. Patterson. “But, yes, we do think it was premeditated. We’ll continue to investigate.” He looked glumly towards the batters box, stained with a three inch patch of pin-striped blood. “It’s such a shame to see a guy with such a high on base percentage go like that. I mean, his average was terrible, but he sure knew how to walk.”

Nick Swisher, RF, Yankees, aged just 29, leaves behind a career .245 avg in 6 seasons in the majors though with decent power numbers and a good on base percentage. Joe Girardi, Yankees Manager, said that Swisher was one of the best number 7 hitters he ever knew. “And I knew a lot of them,” Girardi said.

Authorities are still unsure of what caused Blanton to throw the fatal pitch, though they suspect that the dispute was from their days together on Billy Beane’s Oakland Athletics, a team that patched together a mediocre offense that walked a lot, combining statistical analysis with breathtaking boredom.

Swisher, Blanton

Nick Swisher is best remembered for acting like an ass at every available opportunity

In the photograph above, Swisher (right) looks on in sheer oblivion. Joe Blanton is pictured on the left, cold and calculating. “He would scare you, ya know?” said Phillies’ third baseman, Pedro Feliz.

Though police are certain that Blanton acted alone, there is reason to suspect the existence of an accomplice, perhaps pictured here thrusting his hand towards Nick Swisher’s crotch.

However, other theories abound.

“I suspect Ruiz,” said Ron Hudson, a Phillies fan. “Last night, in Game 3, Swisher bowled into Ruiz with his knee up. I think he told Blanton to throw that pitch.”

Others disagree. “Nick was acting like an ass on second base last night when he got that double. He was also acting like an ass when he got that home-run. He was also acting like he batted higher than .249 this season when he acted like an ass after flying out late in the game,” said a Yankees player, alias “A-Rod”. “I don’t know. Anyone could have been in on it.”

As authorities investigate the murder, fans will ponder his .114 batting average in the post season up to Game 3. He’ll also be remembered for his wit.

“The way things have been going, to pull off a win like this gives us momentum and confidence,” said Swisher during the regular season after a win. “The way it happened was cool.”

This Scheduling Is Bogus, Man

Baseball players spend the entire season playing in strings of consecutive games with little rest. Then, when they get to the postseason, they get pampered. Needless to say, for a trip that takes less than 2 hours (assuming both teams spend the night in the ballpark), the players require a rest day of travel for their suddenly puny bodies.

Of course, the longer things get drawn out, the more attention MLB gets, which means dollar dollar bills y’all.

Dollar Shirt

The New Uniform of MLB Employees

I have an equally ambitious plan for the remaining WS games. Understandably, the next two games will be played at CBP to even things out. Then…

Game 5 – November 26th. 5pm ET. PNC Park, Pittsburgh. Everyone can be thankful that for once this quite nice ballpark will get to host a World Series Game for the first and possibly only time in it’s existence (at least the Nats and Royals try to form good teams).

PNC Park

Just one game, guys! I promise I won't let you down!

Get your food coma on at the ballpark! Move over NFL, baseball has bigger games to display.

Game 6 – December 25th. 5pm ET. Citifield, NY. Christmas present for the Mets…kind of. It will be a welcome discount on Yankee concessions and ticket prices. Also the beer is important. Apparently Yankee Stadium has a “Beers of the World” stand that sells Heineken, Beck’s, Stella, and other unimpressive mass-produced brews. If you’re uber-retarded you can pay $9 for PBR.

PBR Sucks

Don't call me stingy, that's a $27 Christmas present.

Meanwhile over at Citifield there is one concession stand that has a better selection than all of Yankee Stadium, not to mention the other micro brews you can find at other concessions. Note: I hear CBP has a damn fine selection of brews also.

Game 7 – December 31st. 11pm ET. The Vacant Lot next to the house I grew up in, Long Island. This’ll be an interesting one considering the fact that it’s not entirely a ballpark. Lighting may play a heavy role since it’ll mainly come from those dull orange streetlights. I recommend using neon green tennis balls (from experience) and pro ballplayers should be able to rocket those things at least a neighborhood or two away. The pitcher’s mound is actually lower than the rest of the field since a house used to exist there, so that may make things…awesome? Second base will have to share time with traffic on the street, but since it will be around midnight there won’t be too many vehicles futzing with Jeter’s fielding. I’m pretty sure there will be no stealing of second, so this’ll be a righty-heavy pitching game. The outfield will be across the street on the neighbor’s downhill front lawn. There are actually a lot fewer trees and bushes there, so instead of a miniature forest it is now a playable obstacle course. Get your tickets now, since seating is practically non-existent. BYOB.

Photo Booth

The Photographer's Booth

Additionally, all games are mandatory. None of this first-to-four-wins nancy-boy business.

In the news, briefly

Our colleagues in the world of sports journalism have turned in two fine pieces worth noting here:

  • Kudos to ESPN’s Jim Caple for hitting the streets to find those rare Yankee fans who have legitimate feelings of championship drought.
  • On the other side of the coin, The Onion’s sports section continues its strong coverage with a timely piece on the Phils own championship drought.